Fluxin'

I feel like I'm in a state of flux. Ya, I'm fluxin' big time.

I'm stoked about heading home to Vancouver and being in familiar surroundings. I find myself wandering off in thought as I picture myself walking the streets of my old 'hood, wearing something from my collection of favourite sweaters that's currently gathering dust in storage, and bumping into long lost friends and acquaintances.

Yet I lament that fact that my time with this company is coming to an end. Sure, I'm done with touring. Sure, some of the people I work with are a waste of precious office space driving me crazy. Sure, I'm soooo over Set Up and Tear Down. But there is so freakin' much potential with this company, and I feel such an alignment with it on so many levels, that I can't help but feel that my departure from the company will be premature.

So let's take stock of my situation with the company. I've got an application in for a Montreal-based position. I think it's a bit out of my league, but I was very pleasantly surprised that my last application yielded a short listing and interview. Still, assuming I don't get serious consideration for this postion, I'll be on a redeployment list for six months -- a time during which I'm supposed to have access to internal postings and be actively searching for jobs. Because my job is being eliminated, the company has a stated obligation to find me a job at the same level (manager) and in the same salary range at which I'm currently classified.

And, in my opinion, therein lies the problem. I just don't see many jobs postings fitting that criteria that I'm really and truly interested in. And lord knows, if I ain't interested in my job, it ain't gonna be pretty. So the worst case scenario is that I wait for an additional six months for redeployment, but nothing comes up.

Then what? I'm not sure if I get some kind of payout or something. I would hope so, simply because they took my job away from me. But I suppose there are no such guarantees, right? I mean, I should be able to collect Unemployment Insurance in the meantime -- and it's about time that I collected it, to be frank! -- but should I endure the six month redeployment period to see if something presents itself within the company, or should I jump into something else?

I mean, I'm obviously going to search out other opportunities -- and already have. I'll be bored stiff if I don't do an active search and at least try to find something that would interest me outside the company. Heck, I'd always wonder if I missed my perfect job because I was sitting on the couch watching Oprah and eating M&M's every day. And we all know that this is a way-too-common experience in Jeff's world : )

To be realistic, I'll just test the waters when it's time to wade in. And when exactly will that be? Wel, I'll see how things look when I get home to Vancouver. I may be too busy catching up with friends and going to A-list parties that a job search is the last thing on my mind. But when the time is right to figure things out, I'll know it. I'll feel it. And that's soon enough, to be honest. Why am I wasting time and energy worrying about it now?

Because I think too damn much. Way too much. Way way too much.

Must. Stop. Thinking.

And start eating M&M's.