The Lone Star State: a few words of advice

Dear Cookie:

While I'm incredibly stoked for you with your latest news -- you know how I've been pulling for this to happen, after all -- I feel I must warn you about a few things that you may not be ready for.

Making my way from Long Beach to Ottawa last April, I did a big ol' road trip across America. A huge chunk of my route included a loooong road across the Lone Star State, where I spent some time in some of the state's hot spots.

Well, to be clear, I wouldn't call them hot spots. Oh, and it's not like I actually spent a lot of time in these places. Specifically, I slept a night in wee little Ozona (population 3436); I passed an enjoyable 24 hours with great folks in beautiful and hospitable Austin (thanks to Caro and my cousin!), and I slept (and did laundry) in big and brash Houston (where I considered passing a few hours lookin' for those gals from Destiny's Child).

As you can see by my considerable experience in three days, I'm what you might call a Texpert : ) In fact, Texas has taught me a whole lot. Look and learn, my dear!

• Texas is full of cowboys. Not surprisingly, cowboys wear cowboy hats. Sometimes, cowboys even wear leather chaps. And, often, those chaps are buttless. You may have to go to a gay bar to find those particular cowboys, but don't be afraid to do some, ahem, sightseeing.
• Texas is full of Republicans. Like GWB. Be careful.
• People in Texas like guns. When you're hiring those temp staffers, do a pat-down to make sure they're not packin' heat!
• Texas has a lot of prisoners. Don't be duped into hiring them. And, even more importantly, don't be duped into writing letters to lonely gentlemen who seek caring, giving lady friends -- who can visit them every Saturday.
• If you're not familiar with football, learn it. Fast. You'll be able to contribute to 90% of the conversations that occur in Texas if you know football. Unlike me, you should understand a little bit more than the term tight end.
• You may want to consider developing a taste for Country music, if you're not already a fan. It may make your time a bit more "endurable."
• Have I mentioned the cowboys? Even if they're not wearing buttless chaps, cowboys are amply sexy. Can you send one to Vancouver for me?? Please?!
• Steer clear of tornadoes and hurricanes. Please! Run, duck, and cover when necessary.
• Texas is big. Big big big. And bad. And by bad, I do mean in the good sense of the word. You'll always find something to do in big, bad Texas.

There ya go. Forearmed is forewarned, so you're now ready and able to take on the big bad brash state of Texas. Enjoy yourself and remember to send that cowboy my way!!!

All my love,

Jeff. xoxo