Best and worst of times

Me and Ladybug in Vegas, baby! (April 2006)

It's the best of times and the worst of times. I love living with Tower Girl, but hate life on the road. I feel restless at night and have trouble sleeping, but don't feel motivated to get out and do anything worthwhile during the day. I love the fact that I've made amazing friends on tour, but miss home so much it hurts.

With no clue what I'm going to be doing after October 23, I feel a combination of relief, numbness, anticipation, and dread. I'm gonna be 40, for fuck's sake. What the hell am I doing living on the road without any sense of home?! I feel like I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life, and find myself wondering why I'm such a loser, despite the fact that I know that I'm really not. Damn those old demons called despair and hopelessness.

But before I fall into a freefall of despair, I thought I'd post a picture of someone who brightens my world each and every time I'm lucky enough to see her. Meeting Ladybug is one of the best things that's happened to me on tour. She's happy, she's fun, she wears her heart on her sleeve, and she isn't afraid to be who she needs to be: herself. And I think she's the most wicked Aussie you could ever sing the Aussie national anthem for find.

There are the people you work with, and the people you cherish at work -- those people who make every working day fun and new. And I realized that there's somewhat of a litmus test that I conducted in Ottawa, when my parents came to see the show. I wanted to specifically introduce my folks to 4 of my departmental colleagues: Tower Girl, Lucky, Nebraska Girl, and Ladybug. They are the people who I work shoulder to shoulder with and who I cherish on tour; who I will miss the most when we all go our separate ways. They are the people who, along with The Hire Guy, make me happy to be part of this group. And wanting to introduce them to my parents is the true litmus test of how much they mean to me: a lot!

Ladybug: one of the best things that's come out of my joining the circus.

Feel free to leave a comment for Ladybug. OK, this sappy, depressing blog post is officially over. You can now return to what you were doing.