Which do you want first:the good news or the bad news?

Label Guy gave owed me this shirt! (Feb/06)

In March, I broke up with Label Guy, someone I briefly dated. That's the good news.

He was so wrapped up in labels and what to wear and who was going to see him wearing his labels and where he was going to where his labels and who he would see at that place where he was going to wear his labels that I just couldn't stand it anymore. That's the bad news.

He was very generous and giving (probably still is, although I'm sure he's bitter and angry at the world now that I dumped him). That's the good news.

In fact, Label Guy gave me all sorts of label clothing that he no longer wore and thought would look good on me. That's the bad news.

One of the things I did at the start of this Road Trip was to suck it up and return all of those clothes that I neither wanted nor needed. That's the good news.

I knew that, by doing that, I may actually have to endure see Label Guy. That's the bad news.

I love the shirt I'm wearing in this picture -- one that he gave to me shortly after starting to date. That's the good news.

But I realized that, if I had any integrity at all, returning all of the clothes that he gave me meant returning this shirt as well. That's the bad news.

And then I remembered the $50 in phone calls he racked up from my hotel room in Long Beach, thinking that they were free local calls.

I kept the shirt. And that, my friends, was the best news of that entire relationship.

Label Guy is a nice guy, but not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. He thought there were 51 states, and embarrassed himself thoroughly (and me a little bit, too) at a circus party in February, by exclaiming over and over that there were 51. Luckily Nebraska Girl set him straight, but long after my rational side raised a whole heap o' red flags.

It was nice painful while it lasted.

Understanding that he had been called a bit needy in the past, he still proceeded to tell me after only a few days (yup, only a few freakin' days!!) that he felt that I wasn't the same with him as I was at the "beginning" of our relationship. Ya, the "beginning" of our relationship -- only a few days prior!! And he told me that he wanted either "All or nothing."

Well, "nothing" it certainly was. To be true, I told him that I couldn't give him my all at that particular point, and we tried to negotiate common ground for a few more weeks, but in the end I just realized that I didn't want to give my all to him. If/when the right guy comes along, I'll find a way to give him my all. But Label Guy just wasn't that guy.

One of the things that Tower Girl, Lucky, The Hire Guy and I still laugh about was the fact that he was soooo wrapped up in his labels. In fact, when he was giving me all of his clothes -- which was extremely generous and giving and nice and based in selflessness -- he was so proud of the fact that this shirt was that label, and that these pants were that label, etc. Meanwhile, I was standing there with my fake smile, thinking, "There's no way in hell I would ever wear that. It's just not me." I tried to tell him that I travel with two three suitcases and that I wasn't really looking to acquire any new clothing. Still, he insisted and I gave in.

Anyone who knows me knows that I like wearing particular things, but that I'm more into clever sayings on t-shirts or clothes that (gasp!) fit me well, are comfortable, and (if we're talking dressier clothes) are classic. I'm most assuredly not into buying labels for the sake of the label. In fact, I don't buy clothes that have the label displayed proudly on the outside as a status symbol, cuz I just hate it.

The only label I've worn lately is the "Overweight Bag" label I put on at New Year's as a sad statement of my physical state joke. Sure, I used to be into labels, but that was back in my teens and twenties, when I was far less secure mature. In fact, these days I usually pride myself on getting bargains that I can brag about -- like the red shirt I bought at Urban Outfitters the other week. Mary, I bragged to anyone I could find that I only paid $5.00 for that gem!

Still, Label Guy's legacy lives on. Tower Girl, Lucky, The Hire Guy and I often refer to pretentious people we run across as being someone Label Guy would like to hang around. And ain't it the truth! He was all about what he was going to wear to go to the right place and be seen by the right people. Despite the fact that there was a lot of good stuff inside, he seemed to be all about how people perceived him on the outside. And that was a shame.

But knowing that he's all about how people perceive him, I just realized that he'd fit right into the impression-management-motivated, loved-for-what-you're-wearing, it's-all-about-how-people-perceive-me scene in Sydney!!

The relationship is over. But at least I got the shirt.