We're Number Three!!

Two years ago, I never would have imagined it in my lifetime. Yet now, by a margin of 25 votes, it's happening. In fact, I'm still blown away at the speed at which it's all come to fruition.

Hi! My name's Jeff, and I'm damn proud to be Canadian.

Happy Freakin' Canada Day, everyone!!!

Oh ya, and Canadian boys rock!

A plethora of pleasant peoplein pretty and pleasing Perth

Me and the happy couple: October 2002

This picture was taken a lifetime ago nearly three years ago now, a little more than a year after Diver Boy and Tape Girl met. I helped facilitate their getting together, and was one of the first people to whom Diver Boy showed the engagement ring that he bought her. They're such a very cool couple and are really great partners.

A guest at the wedding: April 2005

The only other time I'd been to Perth before coming here with the circus was a few months ago, when I was lucky enough to jet over here to attend the long-awaited nuptials of Diver Boy and Tape Girl. This picture shows the first time I had a chance to talk to Tape Girl at the event, and I'm sure I'm saying something like, "OMG, Tape Girl! You guys finally did it!"

So many cool Canadians: April 2005

There were only a handful of Canadians at the wedding, but Amazon Girl (pictured on the right) and her husband were two of them. What can I say about AG? She's this absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, funny, inspiring, down-to-earth, model-type who towers to about 6'0" -- the kind of person who makes you just need to be around her. I've only met AG and her hubby a couple of times, but they -- like Diver Boy and Tape Girl -- are the kind of people that others flock to. AG, her husband, Diver Boy and Tape Girl are all folks who you meet and just think, "Wow! How cool are they!"

I've been in Perth a few days now, but haven't had a chance to catch up with the still-newlywed couple. We've exchanged a few voicemail messages, but I'm sure we'll hook up one day soon. And we'll talk about the past, the present, and the future. We'll talk about Suzie and the Embezzler, we'll talk about Drunk Jen and the Brit, we'll talk about Support Services Girl and the Pilot. It's all good, and I can't wait!

He's back!

Forgive me for doing mental high-fives and walking around with this goofy grin on my face.

One of my heroes has returned from far too long in seclusion a brief hiatus. In fact, imagine my fragile emotional state when I checked a long-neglected bookmark and found that his blog had sprung back to larger than life. I kid you not when I say that I got a tear in my eye and the feeling that a long-lost friend had returned to surprise me, and only me, with the best gift imaginable.

I'm insanely happy (to the point of tears). And I bet my friends Paula and Header are, too. Even if they think it's me who should be with him instead of his boyfriend. Sure, I sometimes wish I was the lucky guy hanging out with Dan, but -- and I mean this in all sincerity, folks -- as long as Dan's happy, I'm happy.

Heck, I'm just thrilled that my friend-that-I've-never-actually-met is back writing. It makes being away from Canada that much more bearable.

Rebirth in Perth

I know the suspense must be just killing you. Right?! Readers, are you there?! Are ya sitting on the edges of your seats after reading my last post? Are ya wondering whether I was forced to pass hours on end drinking myself into a stupor in airport lounges?

As it happens, my flights back to Perth on Friday were uneventful. The rain abated just before we left Hong Kong, and a quick transfer in Singapore meant I was on my way "home" to Perth. And home it is -- well, at least until August 14.

Perth looks like it will agree with me. Our hotel is very nice, and I'm the lucky recipient of the master bedroom for this city. Jesus, if I'm not entitled to it after enduring my nightmare torture chamber in Adelaide, I'm not sure I would consider this a just world. But all is good: I've got the good room with ensuite, and I'm lounging around naked behind my closed door.

Oh ya, I have a real bedroom window with a view outside!! And it even opens. Praise Jesus!

So I got back from Singers and Honkers late late Friday night. And Saturday morning was the beginning of.....the dreaded event known as Set Up! Yup, Earl the Pearl is back in fine form and in the midst of the Set Up Fitness Plan. I've spent Saturday, Sunday and today lifting, hauling, pushing, pulling, shoving, dragging, crawling, climbing, reaching, bending, and driving a forklift. I'm tired, I'm sore, and I'm in need of a good massage. But the hard work is done and it's only the final details we need to worry about now.

I've enjoyed Set Up here in Perth much more than I did in Adelaide. My colleague Nurse Girl and I seem to be way ahead of the game, and not playing catch-up nearly as much this time. We've been able to get our power leads laid, our video and speaker connections strung, our road cases emptied, and our storage container organized way quicker and more efficiently than last time, so Set Up has actually been enjoyable bearable. Thank God that Nurse Girl is on my team, because she works her ass off and gets it done really fucking expertly.

There was lots of rain in Perth while I was gone, but it's been picture perfect weather for the past three days. Everyone says that this is Winter in Perth. Well, I'll drink to that! Then again, I'll drink to anything!

Premiere is on Friday, July 1. Well, damned if that ain't Canada Day. What a great day to debut in a new city!

Airport blues: the foreshadowing

It's pouring rain. Like, realllly pouring rain. And I sure as hell hope that my flight gets away OK. Oh ya, and they're calling for heavy winds as well. Even with it's recognized-as-the-world's-best customer service, I don't think Singapore Airlines will be able to cope with this crap.

I foresee a long wait in the Hong Kong airport, followed by another long wait in the Singapore airport.

They tell me rainy season will be over by the time me and the other circus freaks are here for our 2-month stay. Oh please!

I feel so Lost

Damn. It's Thursday night.

I hope Number One remembered to tape Lost for me.

Honkers

Just got back from tasting food with our caterer for our Hong Kong run in November and December. And then he showed me around Hong Kong and took me to dinner and got me drunk dropped me off at my hotel so I could blog about it.

Hong Kong. Let's see. In a few descriptive words, I'd describe it as: lush, steamy, and way-less-manicured than Singapore. Like Singers, it's a strange juxtaposition of new and old, rich and poor, big and small, have and have-not. Like Singers, it's a whole bunch of people packed into a fairly small area. Like Singers, it's a bit unlike what I was expecting.

Also like Singers, it's been 31C and humid. But it's also been pouring so hard I swear I saw Moses and a bunch of ferral beasts I wondered about the potential for landslides. Because, you see, this is a city state (actually, officially it's a Special Administrative Region of the Chinese Government) that makes ultimate use of very limited space. They build up (very tall buildings, and I mean LOTS of 'em), they build over (my tour guide pointed out to me tons of land that has been reclaimed from the sea -- which means basically that they've made land where there was none before), and they build on ("on" meaning on the sides of mountains). I was looking at many of the honkin' big structures build up the sides of said mountains and wondered whether they were safe, considering the deluge, but figured if the residents weren't gonna worry about it, I certainly wouldn't either.

Still, it made me a tad scared.

The hotel I'm staying at is the same one that we'll be staying at when the entire troupe is here in a few months. And yes, I did say hotel and not serviced apartment, because it's one helluva hotel! Holy ultra-modern, Batman! I took pictures that I'll try and post when I can download them. In the meantime, imagine me lounging on my uber-luxurious bed, remote control in hand, watching the honkin' big flat screen TV on the wall directly in front of me. Not so bad, eh?

Singers

This is a very quick on-the-run-in-the-airport post, as I wait for my flight from Singers to Honkers.

It's been an interesting 36 hours in Singapore. In a few descriptive words, I'd describe it as: lush, steamy, and manicured. It's been 31C and humid which means, of course, that my underwear got soaked yesterday after walking around the shopping precinct in the sauna-like conditions. But a quick change and I was back to my normal slightly less cranky self.

Singapore isn't exactly as I was prepared -- which is just fine, thanks -- and I'm really looking forward to coming back with the other circus freaks in about 7 weeks' time.

OMG, I'm her "fat" picture

My judgmental dear friend Number One keeps a picture of me and Mona Michaelson Saunders on her fridge. It was an incredibly thoughtful present that we gave Number One for her birthday. We thought, after all, that there's really nothing more personal that a picture of us (drinking beer at 9AM on the morning that I first moved to Australia) to adorn the front of her fridge.

Unfortunately, Number One spilled the beans last night. She told me that the picture stays there to serve a purpose other than just improving the outlook in her kitchen. Nope, Number One told me that our picture helps settle her fears whenever she opens the door and reaches for the white wine. (Often it's a Verdelho, perhaps a Semillon, or could even be a Sav Blanc. But never ever a Chardonnay!) So, what fears could she have? Reaching for wine should be a wonderful, joyous expereince, after all.

Uh oh. I could sense this was going to be something big.

Her: You know, if I ever worry that I may be drinking too much...

Me (hesitating): Um....ya.

Her: I just look at the picture of you and Mona and realize that I'll NEVER drink as much as you guys!!

Peels of laughter on both ends of the phone.

Her: Well, you know....it's kinda like having a fat picture on the fridge!

Stunned silence. No, make that shock, disbelief and denial. And then peels of laughter.

There you have it: I'm Number One's fat picture.

I suppose I can handle being someone's fat picture. More accurately, I'm actually flattered to be someone's at-least-I'll-never-drink-as-much-as-them picture. But at least I knew that Footloose was released in 1984 and not 1982. And Number One owes me a Long Island Iced Tea for that one! So I guess the drunk gets the last laugh after all!

Number One, if you're reading this (which you better be, cuz I'm sending you the link!!), you're one of the most amazing and caring people in my life. I don't care what your other friends say, I don't think you're judgmental overbearing opinionated consumed with being right all the time a drunk.

The Gringo

Latin Fiesta Extravaganza: June 2005

I found this little number at the back of my closet across the street at the costume rental place. Stunning, ain't it?! Let's just say I got a lot of credit for my expression of colour and flowy fabric. Let's be honest -- not everyone could pull this off!

My department at work was organizing the event. Well, not really, cuz an event management company did all the work. But we promoted it among our colleagues on-site. And the promotion poster had pictures of me and all of my cohorts with our Latin names. Mine, naturally, was Rico. Rico Suave.

With that challenge fairly tossed in my face, I clearly had to represent. The consensus seems to be that I did a fine job. I hope you all approve, too.

Ahem...note the fake gold chain as well.

June 15

June 15: the deadline for Canadians to file their 2004 personal income tax returns if they are self-employed/sole proprietor types (as I was last year).

June 15: the deadline for businesses to file their 2004 GST/HST returns.

June 15: the day I finalllllly got my ass in gear and got 'em both filed.

While I paid my outstanding taxes way back, I needed some of my tax receipts sent to me from Sydney, where I stupidly forgot them. Wouldn't you know it, I left even that until the last possible minute. Luckily my friends Opera House Couple came through for me and sent them down by priority post. Similarly, Suzie -- being the lifesaver that she always is -- sent me some of my other much-needed tax forms from Vancouver. Between OHC and Suzie, I at last had everything I needed.

A couple of late nights followed by a couple of ill attempts at filing online, but finally success! Seems my online access code wasn't correct, but a quick call to a charming fella named Cameron at the CCRA's electronic services Helpdek in Winnipeg solved that one for me. I prepared electronically and filed online at the last second. And no need to rush to the Tax Office at ten minutes to midnight as so many other Canadians probably still do.

Ain't technology and procrastination wonderful?!

Oh, and that overestimate I made back on April 30? Way overestimated! So I'll be getting a nice refund cheque someday around 2007 soon!

From the mouths of babes

When I was up in Brisbane last week, I had a great time catching up with my two seven-year-old nieces -- who seem to have grown about 4 inches in the last 3 months, by the way!

During my visit, I was reminded once again of two things the twins seem to have an absolutely fascination with:

1. The fact that I am adopted. My brother turns 40 in October, and I suggested to my sisters that, while the three of us were together, we put our heads together and compile a list of embarrassing things he did when he was growing up. Luckily there were plenty of gems to choose from!

Anyways, my great idea led to the three of us brain dumping, then recording a very funny and heartfelt five-months-in-advance video recounting those great stories and laughing our asses off. But while my sisters and I were recalling some of our brother's Greatest Hits, my niece N asked us something about when the four of us were all young. And then she added, "...but that was before Uncle Jeff lived at Nana and Papa's, wasn't it?"

Sometimes I wonder how so many wheels can be turning in the mind of someone so young. But it's clear that (like her Uncle Jeff) she's got a memory for detail that will serve her very well in life.

2. How much I love to eat. At one point, my other niece D said with genuine wonder in her voice, "Uncle Jeff....how can you eat so much and be so skinny?"

Oh, how I love that little girl!! It's certainly a far cry from my days as a kid. In fact, in one of the stories I recounted for my brother's birthday video, I questioned whether he was as traumatized as I was when going jeans shopping with my mother around ages 7 and 8 (or thereabouts). I remember going to Sears and mom would ask the salesperson for "Toughskin jeans. 'Slim Fit' for one (that would be my brother) and 'Husky Fit' for the other (motioning, of course, to me)."

No wonder I have body issues to this day!! A part of me will always be the little boy who needed Husky Fit Toughskins. Thank heaven for seven-year-old nieces who make you feel pretty damn good about yourself : )

Perspective

Perspective: walking down Rundle Street Mall, wrapped up in trivial and completely unconstructive thoughts, then seeing someone standing at a garbage bin reaching in and pulling out can after nearly-empty can to drink the remnants.

And that, my friends, is what makes you snap back to your blessed reality.

Please take a moment to give thanks for the food in your belly, the roof over your head, and the kindness that somebody extended to you today.

A sad day for Canada

Can I put in a bid for the assets?!

It's a shame that KK didn't succeed in Canada. I guess we just can't get over our attachment to a great Canadian hockey hero. Shame, cuz KK was a beacon of light in a delectible-donut-deficient world.

A living testament

I have this cool project. I put some thought into how I could find a way to commemorate the time I'll spend in each city on tour, while refraining from having to hoard cumbersome souvenirs and keepsakes that take up valuable space in my two pieces of luggage.

I bought a jacket in Melbourne, because I knew there would be bad weather on the way. When exactly? Not really sure, cuz we were lucky enough to enjoy the warmest April on record in Melbourne, and similarly are living through the warmest Autumn in South Australia's history. Truth be told, I'm totally OK enduring such hardships and delaying wearing my new jacket if it means the weather will stay warm and sunny!! But back to the project...

So my jacket is a fairly plain blue fabric jacket that will keep me warm when the weather decides to take a turn for the worst. And the cool project is this: in every city I go to, I'm going to find a cheesy sew-on tourist patches and add it to my jacket.

As I travel, I'll have my very own tour jacket in the form of an ever-evolving testament to every city I visit on this new and unique life journey. And when I'm done, it's gonna be a unique and cherished keepsake that will make me the envy of all the cool kids at school the circus freaks.

Extravaganza

Tired, a little hung over, but happy to be heading to Brisbane today to visit the family and do a bit of work. Last night we had a Latin Fiesta Extravaganza for the entire troupe of circus freaks. Hence the rough result today.

Need more sleep. Need more Diet Coke.

It's about the passion and not the paycheque

This love affair that I seem to have with my company is sounding more and more like a broken record...but what the hell. Deal with it, or just stop reading : )

It's a sure sign that you're not in this for the money when you actually have no idea that you've been paid. For real! You walk into your groovy marquise-cum-office, see a pay stub on your desk, and realize it was payday a few days ago. And then you marvel to yourself, "They actually give me money to do this?! Damn!"

It's pretty unbelievable. And I love the fact that I'm back to where money isn't my prime motivator. I had gotten to a point a couple of years ago where the lack of a salary equitable to that of my colleagues had become a big-time de-motivator. Happily, I'm back where I want to be: in it for the passion and not the paycheque.

Kickin' it

So the new Miss Universe is Canadian, eh?

Duh! Everyone knows Canadian girls kick ass!

I just wonder how many trunks Natalie took with her to Bangkok...

Birthday cakes andopera singers and raincoats? Oh my!

I had a meeting with our HR representative, who was in town from Montreal today. What could I tell her except that I'm still really happy with my new job. Boring, but true.

For instance, I love the fact that the kitchen staff bake a cake for everyone's birthday, and everyone on-site congregates to sing happy birthday and pig out. In fact, if the birthday guy or gal is in my department, everyone on the team pitches in $10 and we get a really well-thought-out present. Not a bad way to generate goodwill and a feeling of family among team members, eh?! Can't wait until December when it's my turn to reap the birthday rewards : )

My colleague Mother had his big day today, and someone organized something pretty unique. Mother is a big opera fan, so they hired an opera singer to come into the kitchen and sing Happy Birthday while he was presented with his cake. And then she sang a request from Carmen (an opera with which I'm intimately familiar!), and it was just stellar. Super duper cool! What a unique present for Mother, and what a way to think outside the box for whoever thunk it up.

Had to buy a new raincoat today, because I just know it's gonna start falling soon. Not today: beautiful, sunny, 20C. But soon that damn rain is gonna start pelting us, and I'm ready for it. Oh ya, did I mention that the company covers the cost of a good raincoat?! Yup, I'll be getting reimbursed.

Fucking. Loving. This. Company!